Kaidou's Pain
by i-love-my-danna
Summary: Kaidou Kaoru's pain. Angst, character death, and an unexpected pairing. Yaoi. better than it sounds.


_'Do I really belong here? Everyone seems to be so cheerful.. It's like I'm not even here. All I do is watch everyone from the background. Nobody even notices something is wrong..' _Kaidou thought sadly. He had come to school with bandages wrapped around his arm. The Seigaku team had just assumed that he had injured himself by training too hard. Kaidou had a little trouble practicing with his arm, but he managed.

"Hey, Mamushi. You comin'? We're going to Taka's for sushi." Momo called.

"Whatever, baka." Tezuka narrowed his eyes. The viper's arm seemed to fragile than if he had just done that practicing. Kaidou followed everyone else, right behind Ryoma, at the back of the group.

"Kaidou! Is everything alright?" Ryoma asked.

"Fine." he stated. This was unusual, his kouhai asking if _anyone _was alright, let alone Kaidou.

"You sure? You're not eating very well." Oishi interrogated.

"Oishi, Tezuka and I would like a word with you and Ryoma." Fuji smiled again. This time, there was underlying concern hidden by the smile.

"Fuji-sempai?"

"Oishi, now that you mention it, we haven't seen Kaidou eat for a while.Do you know if something's wrong?" the tensai asked. Tezuka looked at the other three curiously.

"Well, he's appeared rather detached. And you're right, he is getting thinner." Oishi mused.

Ryoma's POV:

"I wonder if Kaidou-sempai is okay. He's becoming very thin, and it's like he can't focus on anything." I added.

"Kaoru-chan, you're home early." Kaidou's mother noticed he's spending more time in his room and less time outside with his friends.

"Kaoru-nii-san!" Hazue jumped up and hugged his older brother.

"Fushuu.. what do you want, brat?"

"Did you hurt your arm in tennis practice again?" Kaidou nodded. "Oh. Well, Okaa-san said dinner's ready."

Once the family was seated, Kaidou was served. He glanced around the table, watching his mother and father chatter, and Hazue eat. He picked at his food, not quite feeling hungry, considering he hadn't eaten in a couple of days. He stood up.

"I'm really not that hungry, I ate at Taka's." Kaidou lied. Upstairs, Kaidou shut and locked his door. Reaching under his bed, his fingers came in contact with his new best friend. Said boy pulled out a curved, gleaming dagger. Removing the bandages, he did a quick look-over at the bright, jagged lines across his arm. He winced. Kaidou Kaoru was a cutter. Kaidou pressed the blade to his wrist and saw the blood appear. Just like a fountain, only red, and much more deadly.

"Kaoru-chan, everything okay?" His mother knocked on the door.

"Hai, 'kaa-san. I'm going out for a walk." Kaidou appeared at the door, fresh bandages hidden by his jacket.

Kaidou began panting. He hadn't even run a mile, yet it felt like ten. He couldn't help it, he needed to rest. Instead of stopping like planned, he fell to the ground. Surprisingly, still conscious.

"Kaidou-sempai?" Ryoma was here. Kaidou looked up through blurred vision. Even though his eyesight was rapidly becoming black, he could still tell that Ryoma was genuinely concerned. Kaidou blacked out.

Fuji watched as Kaidou's eyes slowly blinked open.

"You gave us quite a scare, you know."

"Us?" Kaidou croaked out. He looked around. The entire Seigaku tennis team was waiting patiently. "Where am I?"

"The hospital. Ryoma called the hospital after you blacked out." The viper paled visibly.

"Wha.. what?"

"Kaidou. We need to talk." Tezuka finally spoke up.

"A-alright, just give me a few minutes." The boys piled out. Kaidou was relieved to find that he was still in his clothes. He strode over to the window. "The first floor. Excellent."

Kaidou jumped.

"Kaidou? Kaidou!"

Kaidou's POV:

I ran. _'I had to leave, it, I, I couldn't be kept there. The team's faking concern, even my little kouhai.' _Stopping at my house, I snuck in and grabbed the dagger I had used earlier. Again, I ran. This time I stopped at the bridge. I quickly sliced open my wrist, feeling all the pain fade. "Hmm, drowning or bleeding? Whichever one will I choose? How about both." I asked myself.

"Kaidou! Don't!"

"Huh, Ryoma?"

Third Person' POV:

Kaoru was mildly surprised, okay, _very_, surprised to see Ryoma standing there. There was an unidentifiable emotion in his eyes.

"Ryoma, leave."

"Iie." Kaidou's kouhai protested. No way would Ryoma leave his sempai, not now.

"Ryoma, onegai, this doesn't concern you." Kaoru pleaded.

"It does."

"I-I don't understand."

"I care about you, therefore, it concerns me, Sempai."

"Why would you care about me?"

"Because.. ano..."

"What, Ryoma?"

"A- aishiteru." Ryoma whispered under his breath. Kaoru had never seen Ryoma like this. This was not his kouhai. His kouhai was not so nervous, so _vulnerable_. Did Ryoma really just say what he thought he did?

"Nani?"

"Aishiteru!" Ryoma yelled, before clining to Kaidou. "Onegai, don't leave me..."

The Seigaku team (minus Tezuka) was currently spying on the two from behind a bush, watching and listening. This was not the bratty Ryoma they knew. This Ryoma appeared to be a whole different person.

"Gomen nasai, Ryoma.."

"Nani?"

The Seigaku team was gathered around a black coffin, the sky pouring its eyes out for the poor soul about to be buried. Ryoma stood up.

"Kaidou Kaoru was not your average kid. From the second I met him, I knew there was an air of mystery surrounding him. Always hissing, never smiling," Ryoma chuckled at this. Only it was a sad one. "He fit the description of a snake perfectly. Kaidou chose to pick fights rather than make friends. I found myself wanting to know more about him, so I did. I truly miss him, and I think that he deserved better than to die. May his soul rest in peace."

After the Funeral:

Ryoma was left alone in the cemetery, nothing but the graves to keep him company. He had made sure he would not mention the fact that he had fallen in love with his sempai. And now, his sempai is gone. He started when he saw the ghost of Kaidou sitting on the tombstone.

"Now I'm going crazy."

"Ryoma.." it said softly.

"Yep. Definitely crazy."

"Ryoma, Ai, onegai, you need to live. Yes I want to be with you, but more than anything I want, no, I need to see you grow up, and be happy. I am in a better place, free from the suffering of being alive. I am no longer lonely. You have a whole life ahead of you. Please, _please _make the best of it. And if you can, find someone else, somebody who deserves your love."

"Baka sempai. Don't you see? You're the only one I'll ever love."

Ryoma Echizen was never the type to cry. But on that day, he cried for the first time in years.


End file.
